1 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:12,320 Dad! 2 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:13,960 The bin's full again? 3 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:17,240 Oh, er, yeah. 4 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:19,360 No, no, 5 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:21,200 that's going to block the toilet. 6 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:22,960 Oh, nonsense. 7 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:24,160 Eh? 8 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,360 I've flushed bigger fish than that down the lavvy. 9 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,760 Goldfish are tiny. 10 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,280 Oh, no, not a goldfish. 11 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,240 Derek had a koi carp once for about 24 hours. 12 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,560 We had to cut it into three to get it around the u-bend, 13 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,360 but Diana flushed away no problem. 14 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,440 Right, OK. 15 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,720 Well, it's bin day, and this hasn't been taken out, 16 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,040 even though it's one of your jobs. 17 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,280 And that means that the bin men... 18 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,920 Oh, er, bin people. 19 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,800 Aren't going to collect it, 20 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:49,040 which means I'm going to have to take it to the tip this afternoon. 21 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:50,520 Well, just drop it into number 16. 22 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,000 She'll never notice. 23 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,160 Yeah, well, obviously I'm going to do that, 24 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:55,680 but can you at least empty it? 25 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,000 Soz. 26 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,440 Oh. Oh! 27 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:02,720 Is that the baby kicking? 28 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:04,720 Are you serious? 29 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:08,040 Well, I don't know when they get legs, do I, Gemma, I'm not a doctor. 30 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:09,440 I don't know these things. 31 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,080 I didn't even know it was bin day. 32 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:12,840 It's on the calendar - look. 33 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,160 Oh, yeah. 34 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:17,600 Oh! Oh! 35 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:19,320 Sorry, sorry! 36 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:29,120 Oh! 37 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:33,280 No. 38 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,800 No, no, no, no, no, no. 39 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,560 You've been here less than a month. 40 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,240 What? 41 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:42,040 Oh, my God! 42 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:43,640 It's my coat, isn't it? 43 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,000 Don't worry. 44 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,360 What's this? Your hormones? No, Dad, it's you! 45 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:49,920 Why can't you behave like a fully-grown adult? 46 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,480 Because your mum never taught me. 47 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,320 What? How to be a functioning human being? That wasn't her job. 48 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:55,520 It was. 49 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,720 Who else is supposed to teach me what to flush down the lavvy? 50 00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:59,880 Or what to use to mop up bin juice? 51 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,800 Right, nothing but toilet roll 52 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,160 and literally anything but a coat. 53 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,400 Better?! Oh. 54 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,200 Fine, I'll ask Dad instead. 55 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,840 He's not even visited yet 56 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,880 and you're going to ask Dad to smuggle a phone into prison 57 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,160 up his arse canal? 58 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:27,240 Yeah. 59 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:28,680 And what if he enjoyed it? 60 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,080 Cos you know what men are like. 61 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:31,360 God's sake. 62 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,400 So how's it going with the...? 63 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,160 Oh, my pregnancy? 64 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:37,160 Yeah. There's not much for me to do now. 65 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,000 I just need to let the egg do its thing. 66 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,400 Have you told Mum? 67 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,280 Yeah, yeah, she texted me, 68 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,640 "Good luck, you'll need it." 69 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,800 And a gif of someone blowing their brains out. 70 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:47,360 Oh! 71 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,360 Eh, well, I hope Daddy Bear's loaded. 72 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:51,800 What are you asking for? 73 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,840 Total buyout or monthly repayments? 74 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,680 Jesus Christ, it's a baby, not a BMW. 75 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,040 All right. 76 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,720 And I'm not entirely sure who the father is. 77 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,640 I should be able to work it out once I have my ultrasound. 78 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:05,160 You should be able to? 79 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,320 I won't be judged by a woman who tried to have her fiance murdered. 80 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:10,200 Tried and failed. 81 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,760 How can it be a crime if you don't achieve it? 82 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:15,440 That's what my girls say. 83 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:16,680 Your girls? 84 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,040 Finally made it onto the D-Block girls' squad. 85 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:20,600 We all look out for each other. 86 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,640 You know, if you're having a bad day, you got menstrual cramps, 87 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,280 or you need an alibi 88 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,120 cos some evil bitch needs a cutting. 89 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,200 How do you do it? 90 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:32,320 Well, usually someone just smuggles a blade from the kitchen. 91 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:33,960 No. 92 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,960 Make friends. 93 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,720 You've always had loads, 94 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,600 even though you're a bit of a sociopath. 95 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,840 Just a people person, Gemma. 96 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:44,480 You push women away. 97 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,640 And you push men off fire escapes. 98 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,040 Right, that's it. 99 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,360 Quick! 100 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,760 I told you to stop putting stuff up your arse! 101 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,240 I told him to stop! 102 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,280 I don't even need a new vape pen. 103 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:02,000 Up his arse. 104 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,560 Yeah. 105 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,320 What is going on? 106 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,520 It's called peacocking. 107 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,640 And it's a fantastic way to pick up women. 108 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,560 Women with no self-esteem from 2004? 109 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,160 Oh, so boring. 110 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,360 Cheers, king. 111 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:27,760 Oh. 112 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:30,720 So, Malcolm, how would you 113 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,200 like to be a hit with the ladies? 114 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,040 Maybe, you know, eventually. 115 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,360 Mm-hm, yeah. 116 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,840 Then I have three words for you. 117 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:40,760 Close...up...magic. 118 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,920 If you can manipulate a ball into a cup, 119 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,120 you can manipulate a woman into bed. 120 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,960 Dad, a word. 121 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,040 You know I tolerate him. 122 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:58,960 But I think you need new friends. 123 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,440 What's wrong with Derek? 124 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,200 He's dressed like a pantomime pirate. 125 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,480 Oh, fuck, not again! 126 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,760 Well, he's my best mate. 127 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,160 Is he, though? 128 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,920 You're going through a divorce and I'm pregnant. 129 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,000 No offence, you're driving me nuts. 130 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,160 I think we need a support network of normal friends. 131 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,920 Derek's going through a divorce and all, isn't he? 132 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,400 He's not normal. 133 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,840 I got the real mouse and the fake mouse mixed up. 134 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,400 This is for your UTI. 135 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:44,840 Thanks. 136 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,760 So, how are you feeling about everything? 137 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,160 Yeah, OK. 138 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,280 I guess. 139 00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:51,680 How am I supposed to be feeling? 140 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:52,920 Excited? 141 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,200 Happy? 142 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,080 Nervous, scared? 143 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,040 Yeah, all of those. 144 00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,880 Except for happy, maybe. 145 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,800 But who's happy, eh? 146 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,160 I saw women on the news having babies in literal war zones, 147 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,360 so if they're fine, then... 148 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,200 Mm, I don't think they are fine. 149 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,320 I think they're deeply traumatised. 150 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,200 Ah-ha, yeah. 151 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:18,040 Well, what I'm saying is I'm not in a war zone, so I should be fine. 152 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,240 According to the news. 153 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,720 We run a coffee morning here on a Thursday 154 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,920 for mummies-to-be to find friends. 155 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:28,240 Two mummies got on so well, they're getting married next year. 156 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,520 I bet the daddies weren't happy. 157 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,840 No, no, they tried to sue us. 158 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,560 But there's a... 159 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,400 ..flyer here if you're interested. 160 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,600 Thanks, but I've actually got loads of female friends. 161 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,000 Oh, really? 162 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,520 Mm-hm. What are their names? 163 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:43,920 Their names. 164 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:45,040 Yeah. 165 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,440 Well, you've got Cheryl. 166 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:49,960 Um, Nadine. 167 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:52,800 Sarah. 168 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,440 Kimberley and... 169 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:56,160 What's the other one called? 170 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,440 Nicola? 171 00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,240 Nicola, yes! 172 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:01,960 I'm going to take one of these. 173 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,720 Not because I need it. 174 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,440 Malc, 175 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,840 a ropey Korean buffet has wiped out the entire front office. 176 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,640 Boss needs you to go customer facing. 177 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,440 Oh, can't...can't Jamie do it 178 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,600 because he likes talking to outsiders, doesn't he? 179 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,480 He likes showing them his extra nipple too. 180 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:24,840 He's got a thripple? 181 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,600 Which is why Jamie no longer works here. 182 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,880 So get to it, yeah? 183 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,520 Unless you want some shifts cutting next rota. 184 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,080 There's a good lad. 185 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,160 Cherry, hey! 186 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,200 Great to see you, how have you been? 187 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,920 What a fucking awful thing to say to me, Gemma. 188 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:57,320 What? Why? 189 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,040 Don't pretend you don't know. 190 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:00,440 Everybody knows. 191 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:02,080 I honestly don't. 192 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,480 Lance left me and the kids. 193 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,160 He left me for a much younger woman. 194 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,000 How much younger? 195 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,360 She's 16. 196 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:10,760 Oh, God. 197 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:13,280 You know what those rugby guys are like. 198 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,720 Oh, he was doing a special visit to a children's home, 199 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,680 and she just hooked her claws in. 200 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,000 Bitch. 201 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,600 Right. 202 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,880 Well, I'm really sorry that happened to you, Cherry. 203 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,880 Hey, maybe we should have a mad night out, 204 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,080 you know, like the old days. 205 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,560 We've never been out together before. 206 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:30,240 We've been in the same place at the same time. 207 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:31,600 Might cheer you up. 208 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:32,960 I thought you were only hanging around 209 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,360 with people you were shagging. 210 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,160 Nope, that's the old me. 211 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:39,120 OK, I've been listening to a lot of feminist podcasts. 212 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,440 Friendzies before menzies. 213 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:43,840 All right. 214 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,120 Look, Tamika Chase is having a party on Saturday at Alfredo's, 215 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,960 and, um, I need a wing woman to help me get laid. 216 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,080 Wasn't Tamika Chase a real bitch at school? 217 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,120 Didn't she superglue you to a tin of peaches? 218 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:55,760 A catering-sized tin of peaches. 219 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,720 That's why I don't want to go on my own. 220 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:00,120 Well, I can't wait. 221 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,240 All right, great, I'll get some coke in. 222 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,200 Help take the edge off the bullying. 223 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,200 See you there. See you there. 224 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,800 Oh! 225 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,000 My coffee hero. 226 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,680 Thanks again for that. 227 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,360 You're a real life-saver. 228 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,720 Xander. 229 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,760 Don't mention it. You know, buying coffee, using a defib. 230 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,200 It's all part of the training. 231 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,360 That's £9.65. 232 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,160 Unless you're exempt. 233 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:32,680 No, no. 234 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,800 Fully employed and fit. 235 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,600 Apart from... 236 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,640 Well, make sure you take the whole course, 237 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,200 even if it does clear up sooner... 238 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:43,840 ..Gemma. 239 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,680 Oh, it definitely will. 240 00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:48,720 There's barely an infection in my urinary tract at all... 241 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,080 ..Xander. 242 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,760 Sorry. 243 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,040 Er, hello. 244 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,600 Hello. 245 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,440 Hello, how can I help you? 246 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:14,600 Hi! 247 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,400 Who's actually in charge here? 248 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,640 Cos I've got three jobs I'm managing, 249 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:21,640 all still waiting on those bloody tiles... 250 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,680 ..I ordered weeks ago. 251 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:26,320 Are you looking for someone to shout at? 252 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:27,880 Well, I was. 253 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:31,000 Less so now it's just you here, hiding behind a counter. 254 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,880 No, I'm not hiding. I just dropped something. 255 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,280 It was, um... 256 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,520 ..a good coin. 257 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,040 Yeah, oh, there it is. 258 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,920 Malcolm Musgrave. 259 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,280 Stuart! 260 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:44,520 Your Gemma went to school with my girl? 261 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,120 Stuart. 262 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,920 Cor, you look different. 263 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:49,640 Lost 8st. 264 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:52,040 Yeah, and had me jaw completely rebuilt. 265 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,400 Contact lenses. 266 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:54,600 Oh, yeah. 267 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:55,840 How are you? 268 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,320 Still playing five-a-side? 269 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:58,520 Oh, no. 270 00:10:58,520 --> 00:10:59,920 No, my knees. 271 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,720 How about that pub band? 272 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,600 I had to sell the drum kit, you know, 273 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,920 because Davina wanted a pagoda, so... 274 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,840 Oh, pagodas are nice. 275 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:09,760 Yeah, she didn't get one in the end. 276 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,920 Look, I should come clean with you, Stuart, that, um... 277 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,360 ..my wife left me. 278 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,360 Mine, too. 279 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:18,800 Sucks, doesn't it? 280 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,360 Yeah. 281 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,320 Did yours become a lesbian? 282 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,240 No, I don't think so. 283 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:26,760 Loads of them have, Malcolm. 284 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,440 Hundreds of them. 285 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,800 I blame the contraceptive pill myself. 286 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,240 You know they never really tested it properly? 287 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,400 I'm pretty sure that's why loads of middle-aged women 288 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,280 have become lesbians. 289 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,800 Yeah, definitely. 290 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,720 I'm joking. 291 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,160 That would be an insane thing to think. 292 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:45,640 Yeah, don't think that. 293 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:46,800 No. 294 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:50,120 I started this little group for men who were having a tough time. 295 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:51,640 We do boxing. 296 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,560 Does wonders for the old black dog. 297 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,640 Fancy coming along Saturday morning? 298 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,000 Oh, that sounds great. 299 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,520 And I like dogs. 300 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,040 They tried to give me the keys at work today. 301 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,840 Oh, no, you hate that. 302 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,120 Yeah, I'm not a key person, Gemma. 303 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,520 First they give you the keys, and then you're on a list 304 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:16,840 in case there's a break-in. 305 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,520 And before you know it, you're on the hook for corporate manslaughter. 306 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,280 Yeah, that's the usual order of events. 307 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,760 Well, I made a friend, though. 308 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,160 Someone brought their dog in? 309 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,320 No, it was a man and a nice man. 310 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,960 Yeah, we've got loads in common. 311 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,920 Like, his wife has left him and all. 312 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,200 And we both miss going to the Wimpy. 313 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,560 And neither of us likes stinging nettles, 314 00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:36,000 so we've got loads in common. 315 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,320 Great! 316 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:38,800 I made a friend too, actually. 317 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,480 Remember Cherry from school? Mm-hm. 318 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,280 Didn't get on back then, but she has kids now 319 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:43,680 so it could be useful. Right. 320 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:44,960 Um... 321 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,920 ..do you want some ketchup with that? 322 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,880 With my curry? 323 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,480 Right, yeah, that's fine. 324 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,480 Fine, yeah. 325 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,120 Jesus! 326 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:56,800 Dad... 327 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,120 Did you buy this from Derek? Yeah. 328 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:01,480 It's good, innit? 329 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:02,960 He said it's a wow with the ladies. 330 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,760 I'm telling you now, it's not. 331 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,200 Come on, Malcolm. 332 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,920 Show me that rage. 333 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:22,040 Yeah, get in contact with how Davina made you feel. 334 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,000 She made me feel really horrible, Stuart. 335 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,120 That's why I try not to think of her at all. 336 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,360 Come on, Mal, last big push. 337 00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:32,040 U-u-urgh! 338 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,480 A-a-a-argh! 339 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:41,840 Derek... Derek says the best way to get over someone 340 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,240 is to make someone else cry. 341 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,840 You know, you, you shift the pain onto them. 342 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,080 Well, that sounds seriously toxic. 343 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,200 Who's Derek? He's my friend. 344 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,360 Hey. 345 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,880 I'm throwing Tam a big 25th tonight. 346 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,640 She's had a tough year 347 00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,280 with her mum leaving, 348 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,120 and boyfriend suddenly passed away. 349 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,200 Oh! You'll come? 350 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,520 Bring Derek if you want. 351 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,680 Sounds like he could do with some male support too. 352 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,880 Oh, thank you. 353 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,200 Thanks a lot. 354 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,720 Keep the gloves. 355 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,280 They're a good fit. 356 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:14,640 Oh! 357 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,240 Thanks. 358 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,200 Hiya. 359 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,240 Great dress! 360 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,040 Cost 400 quid. What? 361 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,480 I need 400 quid's worth of dick tonight, babe. 362 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:32,400 Oof, that's a lot of dick. I can't promise anything. 363 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,480 I better warn you, Tamika Chase still hasn't forgiven you 364 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,080 for the Ross Beakfield stuff. 365 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,120 What Ross Beakfield stuff? 366 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,160 She's here. 367 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:53,040 Tamika Chase is in da house! 368 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,360 Let's get this fucking party started! 369 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,080 Oh, Cherry. 370 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,120 Do you want to park the bitch machine for me? 371 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,200 Any scratches and I will rip your hair out. Thank you. 372 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,840 See you in a bit. Thank you. 373 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,800 We're going to have a brilliant night. 374 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,680 As long as she doesn't glue us to tinned goods. 375 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:12,720 She might do that. 376 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:20,400 Right. 377 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:22,960 Shall I park the car? 378 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,000 Yeah? You park the car. 379 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,080 I think so. 380 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,480 Never have children, Gemma. 381 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:35,560 Do you know, since having the kids, my life has become so boring 382 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,520 and tiring and boring. 383 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,240 Is it really that bad? Mm. 384 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,520 Mm. 385 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:45,360 I'm just so sick of mummy friends and talking about Lego and nits. 386 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:49,280 Wait, what the hell is my dad doing here? 387 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,120 That's your dad with Tam's dad? 388 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,720 That's Tamika's dad? 389 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,000 Oh, God. 390 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,320 That's a DILF. 391 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,120 Hey. For fuck's sake. Derek. 392 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,200 My friends call me the big D. I bet they do. 393 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,080 Hey, are you my appendix? 394 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,560 Because I have no idea what you do, 395 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,560 but I feel like I should take you out. 396 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,240 Absolutely not, no. 397 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:13,880 Ugh, eurgh. 398 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:19,040 I'm going to pretend that never happened. OK, thanks. 399 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,960 I just don't think there's enough support for anyone in crisis, 400 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,280 us fellows included. 401 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,120 Yeah, when Davina left, I was in a really terrible place. 402 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,440 Mentally? 403 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:31,840 No, it was a bedsit. 404 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,560 Let's just say, you know, there was lots of, like, 405 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,560 sticky stains and stuff everywhere. 406 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,320 You ain't slagging off my gaff again, Malcolm? 407 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:41,360 Derek! No, no, it was a palace, wasn't it? 408 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,960 I miss it, I really miss it. 409 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,600 Derek, Stuart, Stuart, Derek. 410 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:48,000 Malcolm was telling me about your bedsit for divorced men. 411 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,760 Yeah, I expect you'll turn up one day with a suitcase full of chinos. 412 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,160 Unlikely. 413 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,600 My company pulled in half a million last quarter. 414 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:56,920 Oh, well done, Stuart. 415 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,960 Mate, there are bags of women in here tonight. 416 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:05,680 Hey, I was talking to Stuart, he's a really nice guy. 417 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:06,960 Who likes nice men? 418 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:10,200 No, mate, these hoes are primed for you to make a move. 419 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:12,680 Come on. You know what to do. 420 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,080 Get the eggs out? 421 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:15,440 Get the fucking eggs out. 422 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:16,640 Are you going to get the eggs out? 423 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,040 We can't both get the eggs out, Malcolm. 424 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,760 We'd look really weird, wouldn't we? 425 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,560 No, no, I'm trying my hand at ghosting this evening. 426 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,760 Apparently chicks go mental for ghosting. 427 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,240 What's ghosting? 428 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,840 I'm ignoring every single woman in here. 429 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,480 Ghosting them all. 430 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,240 And they love it. 431 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:34,640 Watch this. Watch this. 432 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:35,760 Hey... 433 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,160 See that, Malc? 434 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,840 Master. 435 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:45,800 Yeah. 436 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,120 Yeah, that was great. 437 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,440 Tamika! Hey... 438 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,480 Gemma Moscrip. Hiya. 439 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:57,200 Can I get you a drink? Happy birthday. 440 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,480 Our dads are really getting along. Yeah. 441 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:01,840 Loads of fucking loser dickheads love Stuart. 442 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,520 He's a beacon for the pathetic. 443 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,240 OK. 444 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,320 You haven't changed much since school, then. 445 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,400 We haven't. 446 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,360 My boyfriend says I still look 15. Ooft. 447 00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:15,200 Is your boyfriend on the sex offenders register? 448 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,160 Hope you got Tam something amazing. 449 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,280 You owe her, after all. 450 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,680 Oh, no, babe, babe, babe, don't worry about it. 451 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,520 When your daddy gets you a Jag for your birthday, 452 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,040 it really doesn't matter what the chaff bring in. 453 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:26,240 Come on. 454 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:29,920 Oh, my God. 455 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:32,200 Stop trying to touch stuff, all right? 456 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,000 Hiya, Dad. 457 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,520 Silly question, why are you making hard boiled eggs 458 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:47,680 come out of your mouth? 459 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,920 Well, Derek says everybody loves eggs, that's all. 460 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,760 No, they don't. Vegans don't. 461 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,560 Oh, well, I'd argue they love eggs more than ordinary people. 462 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,360 Yeah, I'd be over the moon if someone handed me a free egg, Gemma. 463 00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:58,640 That's come out of their mouth? 464 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,360 Well, you can rinse it, can't you? 465 00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:01,400 If I buy you a drink, 466 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,080 will you promise to stop making eggs come out of your mouth? 467 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,400 Yeah, all right. I'll have a ginger beer. OK. 468 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:08,280 Stuart. Dad. 469 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:10,920 Do you want this ginger beer or not? 470 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,520 All right, Malcolm? Yeah. You? 471 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,720 Oh, fucking hell. 472 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,240 Right, tell me what all this is about, then. 473 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:21,640 Ross. 474 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,360 Beakfield. 475 00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:25,560 What about Ross Beakfield? 476 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:28,760 You dated him. For like a week, ten years ago. 477 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,360 And you slept with him. 478 00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:32,400 Oh, my God. I barely kissed him. 479 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,280 Well, I was in love with him and you stole him from me. 480 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:38,120 And I can never tell him, because he's dead. 481 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,720 Yeah. 482 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,120 No, I don't think he is. 483 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,360 Well, I think he is. 484 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:48,640 Because his mum texted me about four months ago saying his number 485 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:52,120 was no longer in use, because he had died very, very suddenly. 486 00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:54,760 Mm-hm. It's really funny, that, because I heard that 487 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:59,040 he moved to Basingstoke four months ago because you were stalking him. 488 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:00,560 He wasn't your boyfriend? 489 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,800 No, he was. Yeah, he was. 490 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,040 Cos that's the truth I was choosing to live by, Stuart. 491 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,200 Did you know? Why didn't you tell me? 492 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,680 He's not dead? No. 493 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:11,960 But we held that mini wake. 494 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,520 No, he is dead. 495 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:18,280 Because I had RIP Ross Beakfield tattooed on my... 496 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:19,680 ..kitten. 497 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:28,160 Gun. Glue gun! I will glue you, Gemma Moscrip. 498 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,560 One day, when you least expect it, I'm going to fucking glue you. 499 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,080 To what? 500 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,520 No! No! 501 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,640 Tamika?! Tamika? 502 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:51,640 What the actual fuck? £400 dress. 503 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:52,840 Four hundred quid, mate. 504 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,760 Never going to have any dick... 505 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,600 You were so cool, even though she threatened to glue you! 506 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:02,400 That isn't a thing. Is that going to come out? 507 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,360 Do you want some? 508 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:07,720 I can't. 509 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:10,760 I'm pregnant. 510 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,440 Wait, what? I am. 511 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:15,480 I don't know how many weeks. 512 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,200 My first scan's on Monday. 513 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,640 Babe, that is so amazing. 514 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,960 Why didn't you say anything earlier? Oh, my God, you're pregnant. 515 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,920 Cos I thought you wouldn't want to hang out. 516 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,200 I didn't, but I do now! Oh, my God. 517 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:30,720 Oh, you are so lucky. 518 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,320 Having a baby is like being love-bombed by your own DNA. 519 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,080 God, I'm still getting my head round it. 520 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,920 I don't know who I should tell... What you can and can't do. Yeah. 521 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,800 Well, any advice, I am here for you. 522 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:45,320 Thanks. 523 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:46,360 Wow. 524 00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:48,400 Mm! 525 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,640 There's one thing I can still do. 526 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:58,640 Peow! 527 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,840 Did you steal that from her? Nice. 528 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,160 I got glue... 529 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,600 Right. I'm sorry about that, Stuart. 530 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,480 Don't worry about it, Malcolm. 531 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:11,640 Hey, do you think Tamika's a bit spoilt? 532 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,160 Well, maybe, you know. Just a little bit, like. 533 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,000 Yeah. 534 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,520 Anyway... 535 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,880 Now you've got my number, give us a call any time, especially 536 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,160 if you want to rant about the ex. 537 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,880 Yeah, or if I find a stubborn patch of nettles. 538 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:33,920 My car! 539 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:34,960 YOUR car? 540 00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:40,080 Malcolm! 541 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,560 What has your daughter done to my car? 542 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,360 Tamika said it was her birthday present. 543 00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:46,800 I let her drive it as a present. Oh! 544 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,000 Jesus Christ! 545 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,440 My car. 546 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:56,160 Where's the nearest Jet Wash? I can't let it dry like this. 547 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,720 Are you, er, are you going to want those boxing gloves back, Stuart? 548 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,120 Yes, Malcolm! 549 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,200 Sorry, Dad. 550 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:20,400 I loved those gloves. 551 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:22,840 Yeah. 552 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:38,760 I got you a hot chocolate. 553 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:40,840 Dad! 554 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:47,320 Well, er, your scan was on the calendar, wasn't it? So... 555 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:50,440 Gemma. The sonographer'll see you now. 556 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,720 Is it all right if my dad comes in? Yeah. Of course. 557 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:55,440 Come on. 558 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,000 Thanks for coming. 559 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,760 Oh, it's all right. 560 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:05,400 Hey, do you want to go for lunch after? 561 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,040 Oh, hey, I brought my own. 562 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,480 How long has that been in your pocket? 563 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,360 Ha-ha-ha! A while.